It is the moment that scares me the most.
It is not the endless hours, months, even years of confidently talking-the-talk that undermines me; droning on and on, and on, about the planning, the strategy, the big idea, the role, the status, the concept, the skills, the competency, the will or the passion and the purpose. That’s easy. That’s the plumped-up duvet on a feather mattress of my comfort zone.
It is the moment and its excoriating, piercing intensity that shows me for what I truly am.
That mere flicker of time that is suddenly upon me, usually without warning, and which is a jabbing finger of truth. A truth with clears away the puffery, tips me out of my comfort zone and exposes the extent of my courage. The moment when the values that I have said and believe I hold close to my heart are being tested in real time, in the here and now, not in a PowerPoint template or a flip chart scrawl.
The moment when I thought I saw the bully’s tactic, belittling the confidence of others, but I let it pass because it was possibly an isolated act. And the moment was gone.
The moment when I thought I heard his sexist innuendo, and I saw her eyes roll, but I may have misunderstood his intent. And the moment was gone.
The moment I read what might be an unjust remark, but everything else was fine, so surely it had not been meant. And the moment was gone.
Every day there are moments. When will I act? Or will I always instead discreetly conceal my weakness with a rationalising screen of obfuscation, distraction and self-shaming excuse-making?
It is the moment that kills me and it is the moment that can undermine us all.
Leadership is never the theory, the competency framework, the inspirational book, the video smile, or the soundbite take-away from another bloody “summit”. Leadership is the response in the moment.
We can create all the slogans and hashtags in the world. We can wear T-shirts and wring our hands in social-media posts. We can read all the “right on” Op-Eds ever written and know that we are on the right side of the argument. But did we act in the moment when the moment was ours to act?
Leadership is not indicated by chest-thumping rhetoric; it isn’t revealed by hierarchy or status. It is in our souls, it is our truth that only we know.
To act in the moment is the truest indication I know of what leadership means. When it feels raw, uncertain and a risk; when we are vulnerable and possibly scared. Leadership is to act in the moment and to seize the need to be human, or supportive, or kind, or generous, or strong, or determined, or decisive. It is to risk being wrong, to risk making it worse, but with the intention to make it better. Leadership is to be true to ourselves, to our values, and to our needs.
We can all do it, but goodness me it is hard.
Can we please therefore discuss it? Can we please support each other to do it? As friends and as colleagues can we make time to see if we even want to do it, and then hopefully to encourage, mentor and care for each other to help you and me and everyone to try and do it.
I want us to talk about the moment and to spend less time talking about policy development and being distracted by process. Perhaps we should not just “like” the next campaign and then move on with our busy lives. Perhaps we should instead make time to listen to each other, softly, and thoughtfully, as we talk about the moments we face and how we want to act in the moment.
I don’t want to be scared of the moment any more.
Take care. Paul