It is hard to write, say or do anything at the moment and not feel that it will be inadequate or trivial in the face of what we can all see, hear and read.
I also know that it is only a small step to then feeling overwhelmed by a sense of helplessness and to believing we can do nothing, say nothing or be anyone that makes a difference.
This is how bullying works, whether it is in the playground or the boardroom, whether it is in an abusive relationship with a partner who hurts us, or a country who invades us. Bullies want us to play small so that they can look big. They want us to say nothing, so that they are the only voice that can be heard. And bullies want us to be stiff with fear, so that they can move around us without challenge to do even more of what they want to do.
For a bully there is never enough, because there is never any satisfaction in having more, only in trying to get what they still do not have. Once something is within their grasp, it immediately becomes less important than what they still do not have.
The bully knows that if they exist outside of the rules that normally bind us, those same rules become weaker and at the same time they appear to tie us in knots. The bully treats our wish for normalcy, cooperation and compromise as character flaws that he is free from observing. The bully also knows that if we try to bully him back, then he was self-justified in behaving badly all along.
However, we are not helpless and anything we say or do is neither inadequate or trivial, because literally everything that ever becomes important starts improbably small and seemingly inconsequentially. The greatest love affair of your life started with a single kiss. The job of your dreams started with a hope that you might do well in an interview. Your best friend was once a stranger and the memories you now hold dearest were once just faint aspirations
Our worlds can be rocked at any moment by accident, illness, redundancy, or loneliness, or indeed a million other things that can go wrong; but we are sustained in uncertain times by love and hope. These are the two things a bully can never pull from our grasp.
I know a broken relationship is not healed with just a few soft words, and illness is not cured with kindness alone; but each soft word and thoughtful act of kindness is a step towards love and hope, and a better place. While a war is not resolved in weeks or months, and generations may have to carry its burden perhaps forever, if it is carried with love and hope this burden can also be carried to a better place.
In all the unkind noise, destruction and sadness of today, I believe that the smallest moments where we show love and hope are never inadequate or trivial because each has the potential to become the reason others can love and hope too. And if the smallest act is amplified by millions of other small acts, those who need us will soon hear us.
The bully wants us to stop loving and to give up hope; we should therefore set free the love and hope within us and let it pass to those who need it now. I know we cannot stop the war with just our thoughts and prayers, but we also know that a single spark of light will take darkness away.
We are stronger when we have the love and hope of people who care about us, and when we give our love and hope to others, then we make them stronger too. The bully is therefore doomed to fail. Our acts of kindness and care, like an armada of love in small boats of hope, will sail beyond our sight and some will reach the farthest shore to offer the encouragement and courage for others to prevail. Our smallest act may be the one to change someone’s world and it is our privilege to be alive at this time to try.
I know all our thoughts are with the people of Ukraine. May they know we care.
Take care. Paul xx
